When love and relationships are involved, two is always enough because three is considered too crowded and unfavourable. So, where should one draw a line between the friendship with an opposite gender so that one doesn't cross the boundaries and become a third party?
Sometimes, all it need is to start innocently with a simple text message and before one realise it, one is already chatting all day, sharing very personal and private anecdotes. Soon, one will be meeting frequently over a cup of tea and eventually over lunch or dinner. Of course, there is nothing wrong when both parties are single and available, and in fact this could be a romantic outing which might lead to boy-girl relationships. However, if either one or both of the parties are already in a serious relationship with another person, this is a clear sign of flirting and one need to bare serious consequences if the other person finds out. Well, it is very normal for everyone to have friends of the opposite gender, but when one is attached, one needs to be clear and know where to establish certain boundaries so as not to create any disaster. Often, the lines start to blur when one party makes physical advances such as touching shoulders, hands or faces. If this happens, one need to ask themselves whether they have been sending out signals that is misleading or whether they have been behaving inappropriately or whether they have unintentionally do things that attracted the attention of the other party. It might seems flattering when a third party expresses interest and makes advances towards you however, the ultimate responsibility is still on you, to make it crystal clear where you stand and how you feel about your partner.
Having said that, one should learn where to draw the line, learn to say 'No' as well as be clear of the meaning of cheating when dealing with friendship of the opposite gender so that boundaries will not be blur and disaster won't occur.
What do I mean by draw the line?
The moment one feel that their friendship is getting too close with a colleague or close friend of the opposite gender, one need to make a stand, back away and maintain an appropriate distance so as not to send out signals that misled the other party. One have to let the other party know explicitly that one is not in it for romance, but only a platonic friendship with them. Some points to take note are, one should not venture into very personal discussions, should not have inappropriate physical contact and should examine their interactions with the third party so as to avoid sending out the wrong signals to the other party. In addition, one should also avoid sharing highly emotional experiences, such as poignant personal stories so as to set a clear boundaries between friendship with an opposite gender. These are indicating signs that one is leading onto danger zone.
Honesty is the best policy when love and relationships are involved. This is because the moment one lie about their interactions with someone of the opposite gender or keeping them from ones' partner, something fishy must be happening between the two of you. Even if your partner get jealous easily and you don’t want to upset them unnecessarily, it is still not a valid reason to lie to them. An ideal way is to let your partner know about your communications with this person in advance, so that they are aware of your communication with this person and that jealousy or misunderstanding will not occur between you and your partner.
Another point is to always put your partner in mind when interacting with someone of the opposite sex. For instance, one should always think of how their partner will feel or react when their partner saw how one behave and interact with someone of the opposite sex. This way, one will be able to check whether their body language speaks correctly because body language speaks volume as well.
Needless to say, one should not entertain any idea of an "office spouse" or simply a co-worker who share an extraordinarily close relationship, even if it is something for entertaining purpose among the colleagues. The main reason is because your partner will not be amused with this idea and if you are not careful enough, boundaries will be crossed and disasters will happen.
How to learn to say 'No'?
Generally, it is not advisable to go on any one-on-one outings with someone of the opposite gender, especially if, one is aware of their romantic feelings towards oneself. One should instead limit their interaction with that person, this way, one is able to disallow any chance for that person to make advances. Although this might be harsh and hurtful to that person, this is actually the best way to solve the problem and to avoid any unwanted attention. If one is to beat around the bush and create any chances, one is actually creating more trouble instead of doing any good to both the other party and oneself. This is because the ambiguity of hinting could lead to more confusion instead of quashing the other persons' hope once and for all.
Well, rejections are always hurtful, but it should not be avoided and it does not have to be mean. What one need to do is to send a simple and clear message such as "Thank you, I am very flattered, but I love my partner a lot" or "I am in love with my partner and I am not interested in another relationship" will be good and clear enough. The moment you made yourself clear, it is up to the other party to decide if they still wants to continue to be friends.
What is the Definition of 'Cheating'?
Many men feel that when sexual relations are not involved, they are not cheating on their partners. However, strictly speaking, the final stage of cheating is actually having sexual relations. Basically, in a relationship, cheating can be emotional and physical before it gets sexual.
Emotional cheating includes, flirting with someone who is not your partner, spending a lot of time with them, always thinking about them, dressing up especially for them, approaching them for emotional support and sharing things that you don’t share with your partner. These are cheating, even if, you have not met the person as everything takes place online or over the phone.
Very often, one might not be aware that the emotions and interactions one have with the third party till it eventually result in something more than an innocent friendship because before one know it, one have already crossed the line between a platonic and romantic relationship - one might have already engaged in intimate acts such as holding hands, hugging or even kissing.
All in all, everybody need to learn where to set boundaries, learn to say 'No' as well as have a clear understanding of what is cheating when dealing with friendship of the opposite gender so that lines will not become blur and serious consequences don't have to be dealt with.
- Adapted from an interesting article that I read and found meaningful from Duet Magazine
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